The Douchebag Life Style

Through painstaking research from relationships and my girlfriends relationships over the past years...I have collected 10 tell-tale signs that a guy might just be a douchbag.   I am sure this list will only grow....but for now here are 10 "red flag" douchebagisms:

1.   Brags about how rich, smart etc. he is
 To  me this is a HUGE turn off...I know some girls are attracted to this asshole-like behaviour,  but all I hear when they are going on about how fabulous they are is "I'm a giant douchebag".   If he is trying to impress you with how much money he spends on his clothing, cars, boat etc... this shows that his pockets may not be shallow - but he is shallow.



2.   His only topic of conversation revolves around how much time he spends at the gym
 "Moose" was guilty of exhibiting this behaviour.  He loved to talk about and to show people how much he could bench, curl and even squat.  He would randomly blurt out such things like- "I drink Muscle Man", "I love my Protein", "I want to get ridiculously HUGE" etc.

There is nothing wrong with being physically fit, but you must remember that with steroids comes roid rage, wanting to start barfights, and even picking on their girlfriend's physique.  I remember "Moose" wanted to set me up with a workout routine and a carefully planned diet- stating that with his help I had the potential to have a body like Jessica Biel's.

3.   Referring to themselves by a nickname they have given themselves
 For example:  "The Doug", "The Dougmeister", "The Situation",  "HRH" -now this one is a little dirty.... but I once met a guy who called himself the "HRH" which stood for "Hymen Ripping Hile"
 My friend "Nurse Betty" dated the complete douchebag (HRH)  and not only would he announce with satisfaction that "HRH" was his nickname, he also referred to himself as Ken "fucking" Hile (that's right I am not going to protect his name for confidentiality). He would often use the phrases when referring to himself such as - "Whaddup, I'm Ken "fuckin'" Hile", "What're you looking at?! I'm Ken "fuckin" Hile".

4.  They think they are gods gift to women and are vocal about it
 "Pretty Boy" once told me why I liked him.... "Why do you like me? Because I look like I just stepped out of a centerfold". Needless to say that was a complete turn off- boys who think they are gods gift to women are douchebags, there are no ifs, ands or buts about it.

5.    Guys who brag about how much "game" they have. 
 Guys who make random, out loud observations like "I can have any girl I want in this club" or "I tapped that" etc.  I once had a guy text me "What doing" (an obvious booty call text) I responded saying I was out with my girlfriend.  He then asked me to bring her over so we could all have some fun together.......after all, his ex girlfriend was always down with it.  Again, needless to say that was a superdouche comment.  I especially liked how he brought his ex girlfriend into the equation to try and get me to feel some sort of pressure...I can assure you my friend and I were NOT down with it.


6.  Guys who make plans with you and ditch you to party with their friends/ignore your calls
 This seems to happen too often to my friend "Easy A".  The guys make a date with her (this is including her boyfriends) and then they don't respond to her calls and decide to go out with their friends to a club and forget to invite her along.....dick move.

7.  Over-using words such as "Snatch" "Score" "Pussy" "Tail" etc....
 No explanations needed...

8. Bragging about how drunk they get
 Now, I enjoy partying just as much as the other guy, but when it comes to be the only thing that you have to talk about...and when all of your stories begin with "This one night I was sooo smashed" it might be a sign to calm down.  Also, when guys go on and on about the consecutive week-long benders they go on and then complain when you ask to maybe watch a movie with them on one of the nights....it's kind of a sign he is not only a douchebag but a skid too.

Other forms of bragging about how drunk they get- An older man once bragged to me about how he drops $500.00 a night on alcohol with his "posse"..."You know, just an average Friday night...we dish out half a G on booze...you should join us!?"......douche

9.  Spending more time getting ready than you do
 I am all for a guy looking put together and taking pride in their appearance.  But when they start to look like they stepped off of the set of "Jersey Shore" or the video "My New Haircut" that's when you know it's time to let that one go.

10. Wearing any of the following:
Affliction
Ed Hardy
Christian Audiger...or anything with sparkles in general

How To Spot A Douchebag
Summary

1. They wear sunglasses at night
2. They “POP” their collars
3. They yell “WOOOOO” in public for no apparent reason
4. They order a salad as a starter
5. They fight over what protein brand is best for muscle growth
6. They refer to things they don’t like as gay
7. They carry condoms in their wallets
8. The amount of gel they put on their hair could lubricate an army tank
9. Their sentences begin with the words “DUDE” or “BRO”
10. THEY POSE FOR PICS WITH AN OVER SIZED/PRICED VODKA BOTTLE
11. They post topless pics of themselves
12. They wear shirts that are 2 sizes smaller than what actually fits
13. They BELIEVE that every girl wants them
14. They go on and on and on about how they got a hot chick’s number
15. They blast loud music out of the windows of their cars
16. They believe they are the center of the universe
17. They treat women as objects
18. They stare at a women’s chest during a conversation
19. Their chests are bigger than their girlfriends
20. They drive over sized cars to compensate for their small.. mmm.. weeners?
21. They own neckwear
22. They treat their girlfriends like shit and they blame it on her
23. They brag about all the hot, sexy girls they have slept with
24. They pretend to be artful
25. They act like rock stars
26. They are arrogant
27. They spend 1 hour deciding what to wear to a club
28. They are obnoxious
29. They find ANY excuse to take their shirts off
30. They wax their chests
31. They occasionally mention how much they can bench press
32. THEY HAVE FAKE TANS
33. They name their genitals
34. They own a pair of white pants
35. They own a pair of white LV loafers
36. They share too much info
37. They tip their caps to the side
38. They own more than 1 pair of sandals
39. They drive around with half-open tinted windows
40. They have an over-inflated sense of self-worth
41. They have a completely undeserved sense of accomplishment

By Chic in VancityTaken from http://www.chicinvancity.com/2011_04_01_archive.htm